New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
