I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
40s are totally the cure
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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