I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
