I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
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