Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
