Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
