i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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