i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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