Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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