you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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