The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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