You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
