i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize