before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
