The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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