I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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