Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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