the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
