i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize