guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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