i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
