Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
