He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
