I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I enjoy the company of your penis
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
