tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
