John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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