Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
