Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
