Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
