I want you more than these girls want KFC
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
