Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
