I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
