you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
