3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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