You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
