5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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