i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
