I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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