theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
