Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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