I'm drive I can fine osifer
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
