I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
There are leaves in my underwear?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
