Just fell off a train. Bad.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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