drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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