love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize