i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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