This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
