She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
