I want you more than these girls want KFC
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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