i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
