So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
