How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
