Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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