Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
