Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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