I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
