Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure

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(402): View more from Nebraska

4 words: hood of his car

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(757): View more from Virginia

Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.

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(727): View more from Florida

OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class

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(518): View more from New York

So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.

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(952): View more from Minnesota

You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.

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(253): View more from Washington

I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.

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