I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
