life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
please come you make the beer taste better
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
