Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
