you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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