oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
