what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
