There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
