I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
