Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
