she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
