his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
