Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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