I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
