ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
