Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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