My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
