We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
