I want to have your abortion
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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