Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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