he wants to bone in the snuggie
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
honey bunches of taint.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
