Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
