Nicole vs. Life
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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