U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize