first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
