Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
