his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
