I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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