i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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