If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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