weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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