Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
