You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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