It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
