He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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