I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I touched a dick in church today
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
