i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
