What did we do last night that was yellow?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
