That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
