That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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