I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
