guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
