girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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