I'm pants shitting drunk right now
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
