I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Your penis caused this!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
