That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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