The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize