We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
