you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
40s are totally the cure
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
