Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
