Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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