just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
