so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We left the knife in your bed.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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