just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
