you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Dick very happy bro
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
