8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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