i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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